Merry xmas.

It’s that most wonderful time of the year. When I get several days off work. And, to steal someone’s tweet, “Let’s not forget what today is really all about. A (selfless) man who helps strangers. A man who died and came back to life. HAPPY DOCTOR WHO DAY!”

That’s enough of the seasonal crap.

 

Last week I started back at Wing Chun Kung Fu. To no-one’s surprise I’d forgotten the little I’d picked up last time. It was several years ago and I didn’t go for long. Plus the training structure was different. This is a class of (with me) 8 students! It only started 3 months ago so there are no grades, and no split class teaching. I can soon pick up 3 months worth. I was going for about 6 months or so last time. I don’t know if they are as real world as Sifu Tong’s class, but on the other hand it’s about learning the basics first.

There was some issue with the leisure centre, apparently the class was arranged as an internal one for a specific works. Quick-fit, or someone. Sifu Leckey settled their hash for the first lesson and said he would sort it for the future. I hope he does. That is ideal. A starter class of 8 pupils. That’s practically personal tuition!

As usual I got all over excited and started trawling You Tube when I got back for videos. I came across this one with a guy doing combat press-ups. A standard press-up is when you put your hands palm down, fingers facing forward, by your shoulders and lift your (straight) body up. These were press-up on the knuckles of your fists, with the line of the knuckles running down beside your body, not across. He lifted up half way then pushed off so he actually cleared the ground, then landed on outstretched arms on his knuckles, then sank down to start position.

The theory being that if you have your hands flat, fingers forward, your elbows stick out and you lose power. The way he was doing it was building the actual punching muscles, training for the quick flick of power, and toughening the knuckles.

I thought I’d start at 50 and 50 sit ups. I was modest in my aim. No pushing off the ground, just push-ups in the punching position. As it turned out it was sets of 20, 20, 10.

Even that was bloody hard work.

Then I woke up the next day with my upper body moving like Robocop.

Holy crap! I managed to do the sets again, but the next day I was near crippled.

The weird thing is, it totally ruined me for running!

That just doesn’t make sense.

The triathlon magazines always say to keep your shoulders loose when running as otherwise you are wasting energy. I’ve tried to do what they say, but I never really thought it made that much of a difference. Now I’m a total believer.

I couldn’t do my fast runs at the gym. Then I set it to the hill climb and my heart rate monitor was bleeping that much I had to take it off before giving up, knackered, a few minutes later.

I’ve still not done the 5 miles in 30 minutes task. This week’s was an easy one; 15 miles in under 2 hours. Even at a steady 7 m/m that is only 1:45. I went for it this morning. My arms and shoulders were still stiff and painful. I was gasping and thinking of quitting within the first mile. By about 3 or 4 miles I was torn between quitting there and then and grinding it out to do 10 miles. In a triumph of pure bloody minded grit I forced myself to do the full 15 miles. 1:57.25 Pitiful. And the hardest, grimmest, most painful run I’ve done in ages.

Screw upper body strength. I’m going to recover for a few days then go and blast the fast time. Then *slowly* start on press-ups.  The goal for the end of this week is 10k (6.21 miles) in 39 minutes or less. Say, 6.25 m/m. I reckon I stand a chance if I can mend my arms and shoulders.

Who knew?

 

Anyway, enough of my boring life and pointless suffering, what’s the word on the tweet? I hear you ask. Glad you asked.

 

Some added comment to the latest American massacre:

To those suggesting banning handguns in response, we tried that in the UK & it had no effect apart from stopping it ever happening again

NY Times: In past 6 mo, more Americans killed by guns than COMBINED total of dead Yanks in Iraq, Afghan & all terrorist acts of past 25.

I can’t deal with this “guns don’t kill people” shit. Yarn doesn’t make sweaters, but it’s sure a FUCKING LOT EASIER IF YOU HAVE SOME YARN.

Keeping God in schools would have prevented the recent shootings just as much as He prevented child molestations in churches

Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. This is why I am proposing a ban on people. Kill them all. With guns.

Dear #NRA Members. If you need a 30-round automatic assault rifle to shoot a duck, maybe hunting’s not your thing.

How many NRA members does it take to change a light bulb? More guns.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun who refuses to sell it to him. #NRA

 

 

The DM Reporter was brilliant as ever:

This week’s Daily Mail Cancer List: Mon) Tin cans Tue) Hoaxes Wed) Baking Thu) Physics Fri) Museums Sat) Blue bin recycling Sun) Guns

BURQA GROVE: Location once used to film children’s TV show to be turned into Islamic centre, prompting claims that Britain is now occupied.

RELIGION: Relief for the Church of England as Adam makes it into the top 100 baby names but Steve doesn’t.

POLITICS: Clegg in trouble as 90% of voters say they’d rather "crawl across 2 miles of dog turds and broken glass" than vote for him again.

DAILY MAIL: Benefit scroungers fear their endless supply of Waitrose foie gras will be put in jeopardy by Govt brave #scroungercard move

CONTEMPLATE ETERNITY BENEATH THE VAST INDIFFERENCE OF HEAVEN: A belief in God "is just easier" say church leaders.

AFGHANISTAN: Prince Harry becomes first royal to order someone’s death since Prince Phillip in 1997

FLOODING: Government advise people living in high-risk areas to "earn more money and move."

OSBORNE: "Anyone not panic buying presents today is betraying the British economy and the central values of Christianity."

TECHNOLOGY: Apple iPhone maps show Santa circling the moon.

DAVID CAMERON: "Merry Christmas to some of you."

 

Other observations:

I’ll post this one as a link as there are a lot of pictures hence a lot of room taken up; http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/british-people-problems?utm_campaign=socialflow&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=buzzfeed

Stylist issues:

Attempted to write "but my hair looks fabulous" and it auto-corrected to "butt hair looks fabulous". Good grief!

Scientists prove cheese is 7000 years old. The bible says god made the world 6500 years ago. Cheese – 1 God – 0

Joke time! What do you get if your cross an owl with a spider? WINGED TERROR. THE LUCKY WILL PERISH FIRST.

Still watching #TheHobbit we’re short on supplies and have started to eat our dead. Finchley Odeon. SEND HELP

What is the point in the Pope having a Twitter account if he’s only using it to troll Keith Chegwin?

Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning and find a Tesco had been built next to his house. It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area

What a headline! "Russia to create two new super missiles, more powerful than Satan"

For fuck’s sake, Dora. It’s 2012. GPS that shit.

Top Gardening tip: Some flowers lack a head, a stem, leaves, and even roots. This is known as ‘soil’.

You scratch my back, I’ll swap bus seats.

Dear texting lady, here are your three options: look where you are going; go where you are looking; or die under the wheels of my trolley.

You know it`s cold outside when you go outside and it`s cold.

Just noticed the parking lots and lines for parking at shopping center. Next year we should give people a few months notice on Christmas

Traditional Christmas viewing of Home Alone. Sadism, child neglect and guerilla warfare – that’s how you celebrate Christmas

It’s Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve

I’ve drawn my boss for "secret Santa" so she’s getting a wrapped turd. Merry Christmas Pamela you shit head.

May your Christmas be filled with laughter, love and the gift of friendship. Except for the people who unfollowed me. They can fuck off.

 

Consternation over the Mayan apocalypse:

Breaking News: Right now at this very minute in Australia!’:



Breaking News: Right now at this very minute in Australia!


haha well done ‘Night Sky’

 

Tory scum;

When I was a child we used to collect for famine relief in Africa. Now we collect for food banks in Farnham.

I am so glad that Mrs Thatcher got through her operation OK. Trying to let off fireworks in this weather is a fucking nightmare

English political joke: What’s the difference between Michael Gove & a Plastic Surgeon? … A Plastic Surgeon tucks features."

It’s the word of a Tory MP against the word of a policeman. I’m going to be really shocked if it turns out that only one of them was lying.

 

As usual the wit of the Twitter Hive-Mind saving my blog from tedium. Gawd bless ‘em, each and every one.

Have a spiffy time,

Buck.

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